I believe there's a certain sense of irony in the fact that I'm just starting this post at 12:30am, when I have mountains of homework that I should be doing.
Maybe it isn't irony, I don't really know. I tend to think everything is a bit ironic in its own way, even if it isn't.
To say that a lot has happened this past semester would be an understatement.
To say that a lot has happened this past year would be an even bigger one.
Sometimes I feel a bit guilty that I am so happy here at Roanoke College. When I step back and really try to think about it, I find it's difficult to explain to people, and I have to be very careful when talking about my college experience thus far, because it has been very unique. There have been ups, and there have been downs, but I feel like I must stress the fact that I do not regret a moment of it. There have been some difficult times, yes, but I have absolutely loved every moment--from the day I committed to Franklin College, to the time I decided I needed to transfer, from the time I accepted Roanoke's (second) offer, to tonight, as I sit in Lucas once again to type out another blog post. I sometimes feel that I make it sound like Franklin was a terrible experience and a waste of my time, and that wasn't the case at all. Yes, the school had some issues, but what school doesn't? Yes, I was not as happy as I am now, but there was a lot going on all at once. However, I have had some of the greatest experiences of my life at Franklin, and have made some friends that I truly believe will be a part of my life for the rest of my life. (Yes, Kaitlin, Emily, and Michelle, I'm talking to you! Greece Part __ will have to happen soon.) So while I may roll my eyes and laugh when someone asks why I transferred from Switzerland, please don't think that I regret it, or that it was a waste of time or money, or anything like that. Because I firmly believe that a large part of why I am who I am today is from those experiences. I credit Franklin for sparking my (initial hate, and then) passion of feminism and equality. Such a global setting, and such diverse people have allowed me to open my mind to a whole new realm of possibilities that I may not have considered if I kept myself in such a closed environment. And that's only one part of it. So much has happened in these past few semesters, months, years!
This has been an adventure that I am so proud to look back on. I don't know many people that can say they had their parents drop them off at an JFK International and just let them go the way my parents did. I'm sure ya'll are tired of reading me thank my parents as much as I do, but I really cannot imagine where I would be if I didn't have such amazing parents that believed in me and bent over backwards to try and give me the best opportunities possible. In fact, I could argue that this entire adventure really began back in 8th grade, when Mom and Dad agreed to let me go to St. Joe's. I don't think I would have ended up where I am, Franklin or Roanoke really, if it hadn't been for St. Joe's.
It's funny, really, because I look back and it seems that most every place I've "left" has ended on a relatively poor note, but the longer I find myself "away" from that place, the more it means to me, and the stronger that connection becomes. I'd be lying if I said my last few months at SJ were enjoyable. The lame duck period of being accepted to college yet having to wait for that chapter to begin was agony. But if I am back in Connecticut for any period of time and don't make it back to SJ, I feel like I'm missing something.
I laugh now, because I remember rolling my eyes at all the "Come home to Joe" speeches I heard over the years, and here I am, two years later, coming home every time. I will always be a Cadet, and I will continue Coming Home to Joe whenever I have the opportunity, because St. Joseph's High School shaped my character and my identity in such a way, that I feel obligated to go back, as a sort of thank you to those that have helped me get to where I am today. People like Mme. Marcucci, Ms. Broderick, Mrs. Cardillo, and Ms. Lowell. And especially Mrs. Green. These teachers showed me the potential I had and inspired me to do well, and I owe them more than I could ever express through words.
Anyway, I feel like I always start these updates with a purpose and I end up miles from that point by the time I'm done. So I'll try to bring it back to the present, and wrap it up quickly since it's nearly 1:00AM and I have some American Literature to be reading!
While Franklin College was an exceptional experience, Roanoke College has offered me so many opportunities in the past eight months, and I can really see myself thriving here. This community (another concept that I laughed at when I first got to St. Joe's) is so strong and so real that I want to be a part of it, and I want to be remembered as someone that was, and is, a part of this community. I have not yet been in Salem, Virginia for a full year, yet I find the same sense of pride that I feel for St. Joe's here. I am so proud to be a Maroon (I couldn't even escape St. Joe's colors!) and I want Roanoke College to be proud to have me as a Maroon, too.
Today I had the opportunity to attend an Awards ceremony, and had no idea what I was there to receive. As I walked in, I sat down next to a fellow Creative Writing major, and she asked if I had known about "the other award I received."
"I don't even know why I'm here," I responded. I was too anxious with how underdressed I felt because I had come from class and was in a polo and jeans. ("At least I decided to change out of my flannel, huh?" I commented to a friend later on.)
I began flipping through the program of all the students that had received awards, and finally came to the English section. The first one I noticed was the "Charles C. Wise Poetry Award" an "award, made possible by an anonymous donor, for an original poem judged outstanding by the member of the English Department. I was fortunate enough to take First Place in this contest, and my work will be featured in Roanoke College's Literary Magazine, On Concept's Edge.
Secondly, I noticed another award with my name beside it:
"Literary Studies Outstanding Sophomore Performance Award"
This is "an award recognizing an outstanding sophomore major in Literary Studies, chosen by the Literary Studies faculty, who shows a high degree of promise in the field. For the award, students must have completed twelve course units; must have completed or be in the process of completing four courses in the major; and must have an overall GPA of 3.0. The name of each year's winner will be inscribed on a perpetual plaque and the designated student will receive a cash award."
As I was listening to our department chair describe the award, I learned that this was the first year this particular award was awarded, making me the first recipient. Therefore, when this plaque is created, I shall be the first recipient. I am now a part of history here at Roanoke College.
I don't like to praise myself for my accomplishments that often. I like to think of myself as being a rather humble person, or modest at least. I find it awkward to just glorify myself for all of my accomplishments, and I find that I don't particularly care for people that consistently need to one-up or undermine another person for his or her achievements; so why would I want to be that person?
However, I would like to think, and hope, that I do not come across in such a way.
Instead, I feel like this is something that means so much to me. I have had a very difficult time in the past qualifying myself as having anything worthwhile to contribute to a larger community. Throughout school I performed decently, but was never acknowledged for my effort (which was arguably half-assed so I never assumed any recognition). At Franklin, I again, performed well, but I didn't necessarily have the Global Awareness drive that many of those people had. Sure, I loved traveling (still do) and loved having the exposure to so many different cultures, but I was never really part of a standout crowd there. I just did what I needed to to get by.
Roanoke is different. I feel like the Creative Writing program is helping my achieve new levels of personal success. I credit Paul Hanstedt, my Creative Writing and Composition Theory professor for helping me find that authority and renew my confidence in myself, which was something I lost long, long ago. I never would have imagined myself entering a poetry contest before meeting Paul (or Anna, who ultimately pushed me to enter the contest.) Even though I was a creative writing major, I didn't think people actually wanted to read my work. But Paul showed me that I had potential, that I was good at what I loved, and that it was worth pursuing.
So here I am, nearing the final weeks of my first year here at Roanoke, and I could not be happier. Sometimes it's hard to remember that the small things aren't the most important--there will always be drama with peers, and disagreements on group assignments, but here at Roanoke College, I am finding myself. I am excelling in my studies, in my major, in my social relationships. I got a job at the Writing Center for next year, and will be helping students improve their writing, and I even applied to be a Resident Assistent (RA) too! I should find out sometime this week how that went, so wish me luck there.
Things are going incredibly well here. I'm not ready for them to change, and I hope things end on a good note this semester, and I am able to pick right back up in the fall. But I don't want to think about that just yet. One day at a time, one assignment at a time.
On that note, I'm off to read some Robert Frost. I bid thee farewell, until next time. And thank you all, again, for your continued support. It really does mean the world to me.
Best,
Nick
