This particular story begins on Tuesday night, around 9:00pm. I had just picked my friend Ally up in Bridgeport, and we were to have a night full of DVR-ed American Idol, Lord of the Rings marathon, and Mexican dip. On our way back to Oxford from "da Port," Ally suggested we get frozen yogurt.
"But it's like 30 degrees, Ally," I said as I backed out of her driveway.
"Well, yeah, but when is froyo ever a bad idea?" she answered.
We decided we would go, and Ally would get her froyo while I would go to Starbucks next door and get a hot beverage because it was like the tundra outside. After we park and get out of my car and this youngish man (maybe a few years old than me?) approaches us. He's wearing a dark beanie, an oversized coat lined with what appears to be some kind of dark fur, and he's clutching what both Ally and I will go on to realize is a large glass bottle of booze. My heart starts to race and I can feel my shoulders tense up as he approaches us.
"You guys have a dollar or anything?"
Ally is silent.
My mind is racing.
"........I will after I leave Starbucks" I stutter out, wishing I could reel the words back into my mouth as I hear them leave my lips.
"Iight, thanks," he says, and retreats to his stoop on the sidewalk.
Ally and I flail and run into the frozen yogurt place, panicking.
"I feel like I owe drug money, and I don't even do drugs!" I whisper to her as she swirls some chocolate cake yogurt into her cup.
"Why did you say anything!?"
"I panicked! Why didn't you say anything?"
At this point, we're "whispering" pretty badly, and I can tell that the three other people (all employees) in the store are judging us; whether it's because we're talking about how I apparently owe drug money or the fact that we came in ten minutes before closing, I'm not sure. As Ally starts putting various toppings on her snack, I glance out the window towards Starbucks.
"Ally..." I start as she swirls on some hot fudge.
"He's watching us."
"What are you--no he's not," she says as she whips her head around to look at the window.
"OHMYGODHESWATCHINGUS" she almost shrieks.
At this point, we're standing in front of the cash register and the girl who's maybe a year older than me is eyeing us suspiciously.
I'm reminded that everytime I come to this froyo place, I'm with Ally, and we're always obnoxiously loud. Oops?
"If you guys are trying to avoid an awkward situation, you can go out our back door," she says.
"Oh, thanks, but uh... my car's right in front of him," I say, as if she knows the situation or who "he" is. I notice my voice is a half-step higher than normal.
"Oh, haha, good because you couldn't actually go out that door," she said. We all laughed as an awkward silence fell over the room.
"Well, thanks, have a good night," Ally and I say as we push open the door to leave.
"Run to Starbucks," she says.
The guy has disappeared, causing both of us to go into mild fits of hysteria.
"Where is he!?"
We compile a list of the most ridiculous
In starbucks, waiting.
Sitting in front of my car.
Sitting on my car.
Laying under the car ("Watch your ankles when you get in, haven't you heard about people that do that!?" I say to Ally. We laugh).
After obtaining my hazelnut macchiato, we head towards the door. At this point, I am in a full-blown anxiety attack, and we stop at the counter so I can prepare myself because, despite my sincerest of intentions...I didn't actually have a dollar--just twelve cents. I also sent one last tweet incase this was the end.
We come up with a game plan:
Run to the car.
Don't look at him.
Don't speak.
Don't breathe.
Don't. Laugh.
Live.
"Why didn't you just tell him you didn't have a dollar?" Ally asked as we approach the door.
"Because what if it's JESUS, ALLY? What is this is the Second Coming and he's in disguise!"
We push open the door and don't see him as we step outside.
"There he is," I whisper.
He's walking down the middle of the aisle in the parking lot, directly between my car and the two of us.
Ally lets out a guffaw and runs across the parking lot to the car. I don't look at him because I'm focusing too much on remembering how to breathe.
I get to my car door and he's obviously standing three feet away from me, and I break the silence,
"Idon'thaveadollarbutihavesomechangeifyouwant" I slur out as quickly as I can.
He turns to me "No, that's alri- wait do you mean like quarters and shit?"
"No like... twelve cents," I say. I accidentally drop the change as I try to open my car door in a panic.
"Nah that's fine."
I open my car door.
"Wait, do you have like, any cigs or anything?"
"Sorry, I don't smoke," I say as I slam my car door and lock it. Ally shrieks in laughter (and fear).
"WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" we both scream as I throw the car in reverse.
The guy's disappeared again.
"What if he's on the roof," Ally offers.
"Coming in through the sunroof!" I finish for her.
We drive down the road in silence now. Ally's eating her froyo and I'm still trying to regain feeling in my fingers and regulate my breathing.
"Y'know," I say after a while, "you better hope that wasn't the Second Coming, because if it was you totally just laughed in the face of Jesus."
We throw down the windows and laugh as some God-awful Taylor Swift song starts on the radio.
